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Barely Touched - Sexuality and the Single Christian Adult
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
“I have nowhere to turn and I have myself all jumbled up inside.” Before me sat a 28 year old Christian woman who had been in a wonderful loving relationship for about a year Read More...
4 comments:
YES.
Yes, yes.
I agree with you on some of this. I do believe that sexuality is a beautiful, God-given part of ourselves. However, this is a gift that comes with responsibility, and one that God has set specific boundaries with. I can't agree that it is unreasonable to expect young adults (or any age, for that matter!) to remain virtuous before they are married. That is the philosophy of men. Our purpose in this life is to master ourselves--to make our body subject to our spirit, rather than the other way around. That's one reason why God asks us to delay sexual relations (not just intercourse) until marriage--not because it should be easy, but because the difficulty of it builds qualities in ourselves that He wants us to have.
Rachel –
Thank you for your comment … and believe it or not, I agree it is reasonable “to expect young adults to remain virtuous before they are married.” I think it is wonderful not only to have expectations for our kids to wait to become sexually intimate until they are older (a young adult), in the freedom and safety of a deeply committed relationship … but to also raise them to understand why God wishes for them to experience their sexuality as a delicious healing and transcendent gift of His Love. Sexual intimacy can only be a bonding transcendent experience in the safety of loving commitment and there are real reasons why this is. Other conditions need to be taught as well.
I write about ‘how’ to teach and model these relationship conditions throughout a child/adolescent’s life AND why this training is absolutely critical. The reality is that young adults are marrying on average between 26 – 28 and by the age of 20 90% of young adults ARE already sexuality active. They are having sexual experiences and absorbing what culture is feeding them … much of which conditions them for sexual ignorance and sexual pain in marriage. My question is that without careful loving specific spiritually integrated sex education throughout a child’s life … how many sexually active young adults/adults are having the kind of sexual experience and kind of committed relationship that God desires to bless them with?? From my practice and teaching I can tell you that the vast amount of Christian’s prior to and AFTER marriage are not experiencing the sexual relationship that God intends. There is enormous shame, confusion and pain. This is NOT pain caused just because kids are having sex before marriage … it is because of the silence and shame that we give youth when we give them no instruction, no safe conversations, no help in navigating our confused and superficial culture … nothing but a static expectation. “You are expected to not have sex until you are married”. Period. That is not enough! If we want youth to exercise self-control - we need to help them understand what God wants to give them, how to prepare and what they are waiting for ... specifically. AND we need to be a safe place of grace and wisdom as they make mistakes in their learning process. Here are more articles about this issue: http://tinaschermersellers.blogspot.com/search/label/sexual%20health
Thanks for your response! I feel like I understand better what you were saying before. I absolutely agree that there needs to be open dialogue and specific preparation from someone trusted (rather than the media, friends, the world in general) for people to achieve a happy and healthy sexual relationship within marriage. I'm glad you are raising your voice to help.
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